you're such a sucker for a sweet talker..

sucker4seranade @ 2009-08-28T01:52:00

2009-08-28T06:03:33Z

put an X next to all of the following that you have done today:

<X> went to camden way too early before the parking lots opened
<X> hung out in a camden cvs parking lot
<X> hung out in a camden mcdonald's
<X> watched a 21 year old dude hook up with a 14 year old
<X> used the nastiest bathroom in your entire life because there was no other option
<X> got punched in the jaw purposely by a drunk asshole who thought he was cool when him and his friends tried to "mosh" with people on the lawn, when everyone really just wanted to enjoy blink 182's awesomeness without getting hit by a 250-lb. douchebag. no, punching random girls in the face does not make you look cool, believe it or not.
<X> saw an asshole kid from new york get carted off to camden jail after coming up behind a phillies fan and beating the shit out of him for no reason. have fun dealing with camden's criminals, motherfucker.
<X> got so covered in dirt during these experiences that you probably have a deadly disease and need 3 showers to feel remotely clean again

yes, i experienced all of this, and would do it all again, because WEEZER AND BLINK 182 WERE THAT RIDICULOUSLY AMAZING. the amount of pain my body will be in tomorrow will be worth it.

sucker4seranade @ 2009-07-22T19:36:00

2009-07-22T23:38:40Z

get out of my head please. you're pretty much making me miserable, and you don't even know it. i either want to pretend we never broke up, or pretend i never met you. unfortunately, the second option is the most likely and the hardest to accomplish. fuck.

sucker4seranade @ 2009-06-23T01:07:00

2009-06-23T05:09:44Z

maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy... maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this-- knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment-- you never gave up hope.
- he's just not that into you

sucker4seranade @ 2009-06-10T20:05:00

2009-06-11T00:15:06Z

i realized i am terrified of being alone. this is why i stay in bad relationships. this is why i am so upset over relationships ending, even if the guy is a total asshole. this is why i torture myself by trying to stay friends with the assholes. this is why i do the easy, comfortable thing, and get back with exes. i really need to stop being in relationships. i'm a serial monogamist. i need to learn to be comfortable with myself, and by myself.

i don't know if i can though. i don't want to be alone.

sucker4seranade @ 2009-06-03T19:21:00

2009-06-03T23:29:19Z

just so you know, i am really fucking angry. you are a JACKASS. your reasoning is stupid, and i hate that you like to take the easy road all the time. so, fuck you. i've been through this enough times, and i finally realize this time that it's YOUR LOSS, not mine. i was totally fine with how chill things were. i never really got upset at you. i was finally having FUN in a relationship for once, instead of looking for somethinig serious. i just liked having someone to hang out with, have fun with, and cuddle with. it was just one of those things where i enjoyed your company. but thanks for fucking that up for absolutely no reason at all. you'll eventually realize that once again, you sabotaged a good relationship of yours, just like you ALWAYS do with girls you like. if i'm really the best girlfriend you ever had, like you said a billion times, and if you really do still have feelings for me, then you will definitely regret this. and when you get bored with meaningless hookups again, and you move back home with your parents to middle-of-nowhere maryland when you get out of the coast guard, and you're sitting there lonely and bored as hell in the middle of summer, you'll realize you made the biggest mistake of your life. you'll miss me. make sure you give me a call when that happens, so i can laugh in your fucking face and say "i told you so."

long chistmas entry

2008-12-26T05:41:30Z

i can't believe christmas is over already. its scary how fast time goes by.

christmas eve was ridiculous as usual. my dad and uncle and his gf were out in the garage frying the shrimp and calamri, and started drinking at noon. by dinner, there were 7 empty bottles of wine out there. my dad lit the grill on fire when the lit it to grill the halibut, hahahahaha. everyone was drunk. jordan and linny's boyfriend both came over to experience our drunk italian christmas eve traditions, which is hilarious because linny's boyfriend is jewish, hahahaha oh man. my cousin chris's daughters are so adorable. they're only 2 and 3 years old, and they already know how to use a fucking computer, spell, and type. it's RIDICULOUS. oh and i was the first one to find the pickle in the tree. good thing, cause i need all the luck i can get this year.

today was kind of sucky, like it has been for the past 3 years. i went to see g-ma with my dad and linny. normally she's upset, but today she was kind of cheery. she didn't remember it was christmas, even 2 seconds after we said buon natale. but she realized the gifts were hers, and she kept asking if my dad would take her home today. it's even harder when she seems sort of okay, because then you regret putting her in a nursing home in the first place. you start thinking maybe she could be home for christmas with us. but after crying about not taking her home with us, i start realizing again that there's no way it could be possible, even on her "good" days. and with my cousins gone, billy on his mission, and aunt joyce not being here, christmas day is just depressing and lonely. i'm not trying to be a scrooge, because i love spending time with the family i DO have left, but i miss aunt joyce so much. she WAS christmas. but jordan was here for awhile, and lauren ann came over so it kept my mind off of things for at least a little while.

no more sad talk. time for the gift list! wooooo!
i got the only thing i asked for: a full-size, weighted-key electric digital piano with a pedal, stand, and bench. sweeeeeeeeeeet. i feel kind of selfish for asking for such an expensive gift, but i NEVER ask for much. and i barely got anything besides that. i am SO happy that i'll have a keyboard at school. i NEEDED this. my dad got me a chord/lyric book of 90+ AC/DC songs. amazing. i got prince caspian, mamma mia, and sleeping beauty on dvd :-) and the tales of beetle the bard or whatever by j.k. rowling. my uncle al is the shit; he got me a really nice framed picture of rockefeller center in winter, $30 to geno's cheesesteaks, and a 6-pack of yuengling. that was ALMOST as good as my keyboard, haha.
jordan got me a crazy snowglobe for my collection. we had seen it in the mall together and i said how cool it was, so he got it for me. he DOES pay attention after all! it's a snowman, and the big ball is the snowglobe part. it lights up, changes colors, and spins glitter inside around when you turn it on. annnnd he got me a beautiful ring. TOTALLY unexpected. 14k white gold, 7 tiny diamonds across the top, and tiny heart cut-outs going across both sides of the bridge. gorgeous. i'm so mad at him for doing that, but it was so surprising and wonderful :-)

so, that was christmas 2008. can't wait to see how new year's eve goes this year ;-)

sucker4seranade @ 2008-12-19T10:37:00

2008-12-19T16:02:45Z

ever since.... well, ever since i got to school i've been looking forward to winter break. i actually like living at udel this year more than any other year so far, probably because i'm not living with a psycho or going through major life-altering events. but i always love being home more. i love spending time with my family, sleeping in my own bed, and taking naps with belle. so i can't believe i'm saying this, but i wish i was back at udel.

my mom is being a fucking asshole. i've been so grateful that my relationship with her got better after i moved out. in high school, we hated each other. literally. we couldn't stand to be around each other or talk to each other. it was a fight every time we were in close proximity to each other. when i went away to school, that changed, and now we talk on the phone every day at least once. whenever i come home for any long period of time, especially around holidays, things get bad with us again. unfortunately, this year it's the worst it's been since high school with us, and i hate it. i want everyone to get along, but it's REALLY hard when she always has a stick up her ass. i probably seem like an asshole saying this about my own mom, but if you were me, you'd understand. i just want her to be HAPPY, but nothing anyone does can please her. especially since christmas is coming and she's all stressed about people coming over. that's how it always is with holidays. but she's fucking OCD to the max, and it's making everyone miserable. we offer to help her, she says no, then she complains later that no one helped her. or she'll let us help her, then tell us we did it "wrong," and she does it over. then she bitches at us for not doing things right. i totally understand that she wants the house to look nice, but it's impossible to make things perfect. it's not even just cleaning. it's decorations, and how i eat, and where i go, and what i do, and a;sldkjalskjflsad omg i'm NEVER right for her. it's so hard to go from living independently to having my mom bitch at me for EVERY LITTLE THING ALL THE TIME. and sometimes i feel like it's my and linny's fault that she's such a miserable person all the time. i guarantee this isn't the life she dreamed of. but we aren't such bad kids. i do well in school, i don't get into trouble, i don't do drugs, and i try to spend as much time with my family as possible. the reason i am such a good person is because i had great parents. but she doesn't see that. she thinks so poorly about herself, and then she's miserable, and then she gets all OCD, and then she takes it out on us. i love my mom, but i can't live with her, because it kills me to see her so miserable and unhappy with things, including me, all the time. she's on the phone with someone right now actually, saying things like "i bet your house is immaculate, mine is a disaster, my kids don't help me, blah blah blah" like seriously, shut the fuck up. when linny and i get married and move away, she's going to regret focusing on such stupid details instead of loving life and spending time with her family. is having an absolutely spotless CEILING for christssakes really more important than watching christmas movies with your family? is the fact that my unicorn ornament on the tree is in THIS spot instead of THAT spot? REALLY? REALLY DO THESE THINGS MATTER AT ALL IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF LIFE?!?!?! NO!!!! and i was serious about that too. i couldn't even put my ornaments on the tree without her bitching at me. she literally tried to move all my ornaments. my dad finally told her to shut up. i told both of my parents they need to stop being fucking scrooges and enjoy christmas. honestly, the only thing that really matters is family. and it sucks that right now, during the christmas season, i wish i was away from mine. they're ruining it.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-12-03T00:44:00

2008-12-03T06:08:04Z

wow. remind me to never look over old journal entries ever, ever, ever again. i was so fucking STUPID in high school! i was a total asshole. not all the time, but certain things definitely could've been handled better by everyone, including myself. and who the hell knows why i wrote some of the things i did in my livejournal. those things definitely should've been kept private. i'm lucky nobody called and had me locked away in a mental institution, geeeeeeeeez. although i probably should've been with the shit that i did.

thank GOD i've matured since then and learned from my mistakes. sorry if i was a dick to anyone reading this right now, haha.

life update:

- i forget if i already said this, but the AC/DC concert was the most amazing experience in my entire life. i can die happy now.

- i get to leave for winter break next wednesday... more than a week early, because i have no finals during finals week! just final papers and non-cumulative exams during the regular class schedule. thank god for that, cause this semester SUCKS and i can't wait to have NO HOMEWORK TO DO! i'll miss my friends though :-(

- i'm excited for the holidays, but they kind of make me really sad. it's not the same without aunt joyce. and now that my aunt melissa, uncle bill, and cousins live in utah, it's even worse. AND billy is still on his mission, so it's super lonely. i tried to keep the aunt joyce spirit alive by making placecards and fancy drinks on thanksgiving. it didn't work. maybe i can wrap my christmas gifts for people in REALLY nice wrapping paper with REALLY nice ribbon, like she used to do. but i'd have to buy 24952034895 gifts for each person if i really wanted to be like her, and i can't afford it, haha.

- hopefully i'll be working at the daycare over winter

- jordan ezekiel has been so amazing lately. things are really working out very well at the moment, and i am so happy and grateful. i still can't believe how we met so randomly and are still together. really, it's all due to lauren ann and rachel, haha. i still thank god every day for that. oh the irony. i love the randomness of life.

- parke bank christmas party with jordan, ant, and people next friday. this should be a good time ;-)

- meludees have been causing me more stress than relief lately, which is not a good thing. singing is supposed to be my relaxation time. hopefully things will work out. i want everyone to be happy friends, and i feel caught in the middle. or like a complete outcast. our winter concert is this friday.

- i'll be doing psych research next semester, studying the effects of bullying on the self-esteem of children, and the clinical problems it may cause. aren't i so psychologist-like.... hahaha. i'm excited.

- the twilight movie was a little disappointing, but robert pattinson is so sexy it doesn't even matter. i'm obsessed.

that's really alllll. i've been having fun on the weekends and working my ass off during the weeks, as usual. it's 1am and i'm not tired yet. unfortunately, the insomnia hasn't gone away since last time i updated on life.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-11-05T01:18:00

2008-11-05T06:36:03Z

what a freaking historic night. i voted for obama, but i'm not a huuuuuuge fan or anything. but i wanted to cry during his speech. even during mccain's speech, i wanted to cry. our country has come so far. i don't think anyone should have voted based on race, but i'm hoping obama was elected DESPITE his race. i'm hoping america is moving toward being colorblind. i really do agree with most of his policies, and it was my first time voting, and i feel like i actually made a difference. and i think every kid my age i know voted, which is incredible. basically, i think we need change. maybe obama's ideas won't play out the way he wants, maybe they won't work. but more of the same isn't going to help either. at least he's trying to change things.

but it REALLY pisses me off that people who wanted mccain to win are being so incredibly rude and closed-minded. i know you don't like obama. i know you're upset that your candidate lost. and trust me, i'm probably just as worried as you are. i don't know if anything will work the way obama says it should. but i DO know that if this country is going to change for the better, we are all going to need to come together. we have to work TOGETHER to change things. if people are going to be stubborn and say stupid things like "moving to europe, moving to canada" then things will keep getting worse. and just to point out a smalllll irony in your statements.... if you're not a fan of obama's policies, why the hell would you wanna move to europe or canada?!?! they have more extreme policies than obama is proposing.

so let's all come together and try to make this country better.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-11-02T13:48:00

2008-11-02T18:58:29Z

my life has been spiced up slightly.
- THE PHILS WON THE WORLD SERIES. i didn't go to the parade because i was still drunk from the night before. NOT good times.
- AC/DC CONCERT in like 15 days. my life will be complete.
- halloween weekend: complete with jordan, carbombs, and cops being called by one of my friends on another one of our friends. great. dramaaaaa. i'm staying out of it.

i got absoutely no work done this weekend, ruined tequila for myself, missed the biggest philly sports event in 25 years, and talked to cops while in my pajamas on halloween night while trying to calm down the rest of my completely WASTED friends.

let's hope my life starts being spiced up in GOOD ways. AC/DC, please save me. i know you will.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-10-28T23:01:00

2008-10-29T03:16:46Z

so, i haven't posted in awhile. hello. things are going alright. for some reason i never feel the need to write anymore... i used to want to write every day. i think i have to be experiencing some big event, or really strong emotions, for me to want to write. but lately i haven't been extremely depressed, which is good. but i also haven't been extremely happy, which is bad. whatever, i can't complain.

basically, here's my life right now:
- school is a pain in the ass but i'm managing an A, 2 A-'s, a B+, and a B- right now. I need to get those B's up. please.
- psycho still enjoys causing drama for no apparant reason, involving everyone, including me. back the fuck up why don't you.
- the weekends here have been amazing. i've been having so much fun. i've met a lot of new people and been to a lot of new places, which is always interesting.
- i'm content with my relationship right now, which is good. but i still can't help but miss the days when it was still new. i guess that's natural. but it's good to be comfortable with each other. he's my best friend, and i love him to death.
- i'm trying to figure out what i want to do about grad school. i think i'm going to go for my master's in counseling psychology instead of my Ph.D. i don't really need my doctoral degree for what i want to do, but who knows.
- i'm wearing my old clothes for halloween. yes, i will be dressing like avril lavigne again, hahaha. i can't believe i ever wore that stuff. save money, take a nice trip down memory lane... can't go wrong there. it'll be fun times.
- people are pissing me off in my a capella group... it seems like only a few people really care about being there. it frustrates me because i work SO hard to be there all the time, learn the music, and help people learn it. but people are lazy or have plans with their boyfriends or whatever. seriously, not a good excuse for missing 43045034 rehearsals and gigs.
- i finally drove my car down to udel. it was quite the experience. i'm trying to overcome my fear of driving, slowly but surely. now let's see if i ever make it back home, haha.
- i can NEVER go home! it's been forever. i always have something to do on the weekends. i miss my family and belle and neemy like crazy. and i miss rowan. i miss partying with my friends there :-(
- i need to get back in shape. i'm really unhappy with myself right now. i was doing so well. i've gained some weight and i'm not toned like i used to be. someone please inspire me to start doing pilates again!!!
- last but not least, THE PHILS ARE IN THE WORLD SERIES, WITH ONE GAME LEFT TO CLINCH THE TITLE!!!! SERIOUSLY IF THEY WIN I AM SKIPPING CLASS AND GOING TO THE PARADE. last night's game, the one game we needed to win, was suspended due to rain. REALLY? that WOULD happen in philly.

soooo that's it. my life. pretty boring, huh. i need to spice it up a little.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-09-30T22:23:00

2008-10-01T02:37:48Z

sorry for that last entry. it was true though. but i think once i stopped caring and started doing my own thing, he realized he was pushing me away too far this time. or maybe he saw that entry, who knows. whatever the case is, things have been getting better lately. i have too many other things to worry about right now, so i'm not letting it stress me out.

Okay, who was the last person who held your hand?
jordan

And who the last person to text you?
jordan

If you could change your eye color what would it be?:
i like my green eyes, i wouldn't change them

How many pillows are on your bed?
2, but i only sleep with 1 under my head

When's the last time you cried?
today

When was the last time you laughed really hard?
today, erica and her brother are hilariousss

What's the longest you've ever talked on the phone? Who with?
probably 4 or 5 hours, with jordan and drew

How many 20 dollar bills do you have on you right now?
none

Whats your mood? Why?
chill, because i don't have another test... til thursday.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a D?
yes

How did you get your last bruise?
slipped getting out of the shower because i'm a moron

Who was the last person you sang to?
the y-chromes! haha

What are you excited about?
possibly meeting jordan's extended family FINALLY this weekend

Who is in your house right now?
i'm not in a house, i'm in my apartment, and erica, nicole, and greg are here

Are your lips chapped?
kinda. damn allergies.

What's your favorite season?
SUMMER

Who was the last person you leaned or rested on?
probably jordan or my mom

Has it snowed recently?
NOOOO STAY AWAYYYY

Favorite color(s)?
green

Do you dance in cars?
if i'm not driving

What are you listening to?
nothing

Do you want to have children?
i dont think so

if so how many?
0 or 2

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
only if his name is jordan ezekiel

Do you lead people on?
no

Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
yes

What are you doing tomorrow?
classes, studying, research proposal, rehearsal

What did you do today?
study, classes, exam, relaxxxxx

Do you know anyone who has messed up your life?
yeah, it was messed up, but it's fixed now and i'm a better person because of it

Do you have a best friend?
a few

Do you have any siblings?
linny

What are you doing tonight?
shower and sleeeep

Are you wearing jewelry?
earrings, class ring, livestrong, hemp bracelet

Where is your shirt from?
kohls

Have you made anyone laugh when they were crying?
yeah :-)

Are you happy?
ish

Are people annoying?
certain people are VERY annoying, like psycho

Where were you last night?
here studying

Has anyone ever sang to you?
yeah

Who will you be sleeping with tonight?
tessie my blanket, carebear, and crumb the bear

Are you in a relationship?
yes

How many texts are in your inbox?
a lot

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone & why?
jordan because he called me and i hadnt talked to him in a couple days

Do you get butterflies around the person you like?
yeah i still do after a year and 8 months

When was the last time you smiled?
a few min ago

what are you NOT looking forward to?
rain tomorrow, exam and research due thursday

Do you plan on moving out next year?
i live away at school but i'm not permanently moving out of my house for awhile

Are you a forgiving person?
no

How late did you stay up last night?
1something

If you could move somewhere else would you?
nope i like jersey

Do you prefer to call or text?
call if its jordan or my rents, text if its anyone else

Can you live a day without TV?
i hate tv

When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
today when i guessed at half my exam

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you?
a few people

What did you do this past Saturday?
cousin's wedding, tailgated the reception with my crazy family, drank and danced all night with jordan and my fam

When is the next time you'll hug someone?
who knows, maybe tomorrow

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
yes

Is the last person you held hands with attractive?
sexyyyy

How long was your last phone call?
20 min maybe

Are you afraid of roller coasters?
ones with huge drops, but i like them anyway

Are you the same as you were a year ago?
i'm always changing

Are you taller than your mom?
i wish

sucker4seranade @ 2008-09-17T14:54:00

2008-09-17T19:43:13Z

you know what? you're becoming a huge douchebag. i miss who you used to be.

remember when you used to WANT to call me? remember when we talked for hours til 4 in the morning? remember when we played 20 questions and you were interested in learning new things about me? remember when you couldn't keep your hands off of me and just wanted to make out? remember when you used to text me telling me how beautiful i was and how much you missed me? remember when you'd leave flirty comments on my facebook? remember when you sent me facebook messages while i was on vacation, telling me how you couldn't wait til i came home, even though you thought i wouldn't be able to read them, just cause it made you feel better? remember when you cried because you were scared you would lose me? remember when you cared about and respected my feelings and opinions? remember when you WANTED to make me happy? cause i do, and you definitely aren't that person anymore. that's the person i loved.

right now, you are not the person i fell in love with. now, it's a chore for you to call me, even for 5 minutes. now, you don't answer my calls and refuse to text me because you "hate phones". now, you get ANNOYED when I leave NICE messages for YOU. now, i can't bring up how i feel if something is bothering me, because you'll flip out. now, i have to practically throw myself at you to get you to kiss me. now, you refuse to do anything that makes me happy. now, you'd rather drink in your shitty basement than spend the day together in my empty apartment with me. what kind of guy doesn't want to have a whole day ALONE in an APARTMENT with a GIRL?!

i know how to balance hard work, partying, family, friends, AND you. you don't. the problem is that you're extremley immature. you don't know what love is, and if you do, you're not smart enough to know how to keep it going. you don't CARE enough to keep it going. you don't do anything that makes me happy, but i do everything in my power to keep you happy. i keep my mouth shut when i'm upset, i agreed that you don't have to talk to me for long, i stopped calling and texting you, i only talk to you when you call me and it's good for you. this isn't even a relationship anymore. this is you not wanting me to get with other guys, but not wanting to put the effort in to make me happy. it shouldn't even be an EFFORT, it should be something you WANT to do! i'm not asking for a lot. i'm asking for you to act like a boyfriend, basically. but you can't even do the bare minimum of what a relationship requires. at this point, for me, our relationship is all give and no take. you're selfish, you make me feel like shit now, and i really don't think it's worth it to keep you.

but since i did love the old you so much, and i know you have the potential to be that person, i'll fight to make this right again. i'll keep giving you chances until it kills me, of course. and it WILL kill me. but maybe that's what it takes. maybe you won't know what you have til it's dead and gone.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-07-31T10:04:00

2008-07-31T14:05:25Z

i need a friend who will really understand
but i don't think i have that person
and we all know how much i hate bottling things up

i hate this.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-07-12T12:28:00

2008-07-12T16:58:20Z

Name: lauren

Single or Taken: taken

Eye color: green

Shoe size: 7ish

Height: 5'2"

What are you wearing right now? brown soffee shorts, senior trip t-shirt. just went running.

Righty or lefty: righty
____________________________
FAVORITES

Kind of pants: dark bootleg-cut jeans

Animal: tigers

Month: july

Juice: fruit punch :-)

Favorite cartoon: does family guy count
---------------------------------------------------------
HAVE YOU EVER:

Given anyone a bath? i don't think so

Bungee Jumped? hellll no

Made yourself throw-up? yes

Skinny dipped? nah

Loved someone so much it made you cry? yes

Played truth or dare? haha duh

Been in a physical fight? yeah, with linny, and a previous boyfriend

Played spin-the-bottle: i think so? i have a vague memory, but i don't really remember

Been on a plane? many times

Came close to dying? yeah pretty much

Been in a hot tub? i loooove hot tubs

Fallen asleep in school? it's very difficult not to when your professor just drones on and on

Ran away? to the gnome houses! hahaha

Broken someone's heart? i don't think so

Cried when someone died? many times.

Fell off your chair? haha yes, not cause i was drunk though. just clumsy :-)

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? yeahh

Saved AIM conversations? if there is important info in them

Used someone? never

Been cheated on? yes
--------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT IS:

Beside you? nothing

Last thing you ate? rye toast

---------------------------------------
Ever Had:

Chicken pox? yeah really badly when i was 5ish

Sore Throat? i'm a singer, so of course i'm inflicted with terrible allergies, strep, tonsilitis, and had to get my tonsils out. just my luck.

----------------------------------------
Do You:

Believe in love at first sight? it doesn't exist.

Do long distance relationships work? yes, if both people want it to work and make the effort.

Like school? usually

Question yourself? a lot

Who was the last person that called you? jordan eeezekiel

Who makes you smile the most? the fam and friends, including jordan of course

Who knows you the best?
jordan, kristin, lauren ann, and probably riley

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Do you like filling these out? no, but i do a lot of them cause i'm always bored or procrastinating

Do you wear contact lenses or glasses? nope, perfect vision :-)

Do you get along with your family? usually, but my mom and i still kinda fight a lot
_________________________
Final Questions:

What did you do yesterday? went on a swimming field trip with the little kiddies, worked, hung out with jordan, hung out with lauren ann and the fam

What car/truck do you wish to have? i love my little nissan

Have a lava lamp? nah

How many remote controls do you have in your house? who the fuck cares

When you last showered? yesterday morning, but i'm about to shower when i'm done this.

Scary or Funny Movies? funny!

Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla

Summer or winter?  SUMMMMERRRRR i hate you winter die

Silver or gold?  silver, but i wear more gold and brown tones... who knows why

Diamond or pearl? diamond

Sprite or 7up? sprite fo sho

Coffee or tea? ew neither

Phone or in person? in person
------------------------------------------------------
Today did you:

1, Talk to someone you liked? yes yes

2, Buy something? nope

3, Get sick? no but i feel sick

--------------------------------------------------------
Last person who:

saw/heard you cry? jordan

Made you cry? jordan

Went to the movies with? choatey and joe

Said "I Love You" to you: jordan
_____________________________________________

Ever been in a fight with your pet?  yes. haha

Been to Canada: not yet

Been to Europe? germany, austria, switzerland, and france
_______________________________________________
Random:

Do you have a crush on someone right now?  jordan, if you call it a crush

What book are you reading now? the thorn birds

Future KIDS names? i dont wanna have kids. but i like the names ava and jacob

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal on your bed? yes, crumb the bear and carebear, and my tessie

What's under your bed? boxes, a bunch of crap, pogs hahaha

Favorite sports to watch? football

Favorite Locations? the shore, a cruise ship in the carribbean, nyc

Tattoos or piercings? ears pierced, no tattoo yet

What are you most scared of right now? losing what makes me happy, the upcoming school year

Who do you really hate? i don't hate anyone

Do you have a job? assistant teacher at a daycare

Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with? yeah i guess so

Song that's stuck in your head right now? none thank god

Have you ever played strip poker? no, how about strip beer pong

Have you ever been on radio/TV: yes

Have you ever been in a mosh-pit?: yeah

~~~~Random~~~~
What's the first things you notice about the opposite sex? hair, style, smile, eyes

Your Favorite Food? geno's cheesesteaks, fruit, pizza

Are you too shy to ask someone out? nope

Hugs or kisses? both!

Dogs or cats? dogs, even though i have a cat. she acts like a dog.

Favorite Flower? tiger lillies and orchids

Have you ever fired a gun? no way

How many pillows do you sleep with? just one

1) Last night, did you go to sleep happy? yes very happy

2) Who was the last person you changed in front of? jordan

3) Anyone told you a secret this week? i don't think so

4) What color are your nails? no nailpolish

5) What are you excited for? today i suppose, hopefully there will be some partying going down. and for kristin coming to visit!!

6) What is the last thing you bought? food at the CLD

7) What are you listening to? nothing

8) When was the last time you took a picture with your number 3 friend? on myspace you mean? no clue

9) Ever kissed your number 5 friend on your top? i dont have a number 5

10) Do you hate anyone? nope

11) What was the last secret you told someone? i don't have secrets. if you wanna know something, i'll tell you.

12) Have you ever dyed your hair? just blonde highlights. i've gotten red ones before too, and brown lowlights.

13) Any tattoos or piercings? didnt i already answer this

14) Where was the last place you drove to? home from jordan's

15) Do you have a good relationship with your mother? ish

16) Is there anything your not looking forward to? school

17) What was the last thing you lost? i can't find my blue soffee shorts..

18) Have you ever told someone you love them? every day

19) Do you continue fighting in an argument even though you're wrong? if i think i'm wrong, i'm not gonna fight

21) What do you want in your life right now? complete happiness, the beach, more partying, and a lot more money

22) Is there anyone that calls you baby? nah, i don't really like being called baby

23) In the next 4 months what are you looking forward to the most? beach, kristin visiting, fun times with friends

26) Who was the last person you got into a fight with? probably my mom

27) When was the last time you went to the beach? forever ago. early june. i've only been once this summer ugh.

28) Who knows a secret about you? everyone. i don't have secrets.

31) Whats one song you can listen to and it will never get old? any ac/dc song, i can't choose one

32) Have any crazy family members? ALL of them. i really mean all.

33) What did you do yesterday? already answered this too

34) Who's the next person you'll have a sleepover with? probably jordan

35) Do you like dressing up? yeah. not for every day, but i wish there were more excuses to get dressed up for special occasions.

37) What is the nearest book to you? travels with charlie

38) What will you buy next? food probably

39) Are you bored? obviously

41) What are you wearing? i already told you

42) When was the last time you went swimming? yesterday with the kids

45) What's your favorite Gatorade? the clearish blue kind

46) How tall are you? 5'2"

47) Have you ever worn anything borrowed from the opposite sex? t-shirts, sweatshirts, pj pants, gym shorts

48) Can you sleep in jeans? no i hate sleeping in jeans

49) Who do you trust? no one completely, not even myself. but i've learned to trust the people close to me more often

50) What was the last thing you laughed really hard at?  helium last night haha

51) Wheres your bestfriend? florida, across the street, the shore

53) Do you trust people easily? not at all

54) Where do you want to be right now? THE JERSEY SHORE.

55) Have you ever had a sleepover with the opposite sex? of course ;-)

56) Who was last to cook for you? mommy

57) Will you ever hug the last person you hugged again? linnyyyy!!! i will hug her every day haha

58 ) Have you lost any friends this year? yes

sucker4seranade @ 2008-06-02T22:19:00

2008-06-03T02:33:04Z

summer is here. i'm halfway done college... holy shit. im so not ready for the real world.
good thing i still have at least 4 years of grad school after this, plus a year of interning at a clinic. hahaha.... great.

not gonna lie, this year pretty much blew. having a psycho roommate really makes it hard to enjoy being at school. but i love udel, and i'll be living in the apartment across the hall next year, so it should be a gooood time. this semester sucked especially hardcore, but so far i have an A- and an A. hopefully i'll do well in the other 3. i'll be super proud of myself if i pull off all A's for this ass-kicking semester. the one good thing about this year is i started to become better friends with the kids in my a capella group. i love those kids, and i love singing with them. and partying with them. and a few just graduated, which makes me REALLY sad. but i'm the new secretary for our group (or seXretary, as tristan coined it, haha)!

as for now, i will be content partying at jordan and ant's new abode in gboro ;-) brand new house, hardwood floors, huge bedroom, party basement, and a yard with a tireswing. it's really fucking sweet.

and as for the rest of my life: things with jordan ezekiel are amazing. i'm living proof that something good will come out of even the most depressing, horrible situations. i love being home, i think i'm getting a job at a daycare to make some money, and i can't wait to go to the shore. and i might go to florida in august to visit kristin. and i need a geno's cheesesteak. now.

if you're in twp and have nothing to do, gimme a call! :-)

sucker4seranade @ 2008-04-11T14:43:00

2008-04-11T18:44:47Z

so... today is my 20th birthday. all i have to say is that i hate it. i hate being 20. i guess i should be looking forward to almost being 21, but i'd rather be a teenager forever. i can't believe how fast my life has gone by.

i need to vent.

2008-03-04T16:45:10Z

i am so sick of people blowing things out of proportion. it's like dealing with a bunch of middle schoolers. like 8th graders, which are the worst, cause not only are they dramatic and cliquey, they're conceited.

and you know what else? i'm tired of being nice and easygoing. it's IMPOSSIBLE here. because no matter how nice i am and how easygoing i am, people are assholes to me. they take advantage of it and i get screwed over and left out. i want to go out, i want to have fun, i want to LIVE A LITTLE. but everyone is too miserable to do that, and it's bringing me down. i'm tired of sitting in every weekend because they "don't feel well" and "have work to do." YOU DONT DO WORK ON THE WEEKEND NIGHTS!!!!!! you relax. people don't get that concept around here.

i can't stand being in a CONSTANTLY stressful environment. i have my own personal problems and worries too, just like everyone else. i have family issues and sickness and school and boyfriend and housing and WHATEVER. but im not taking that out on my FRIENDS. can i even call them friends? i dont know. but anyway, i dont take it out on the people i live with because it's not their fault.

what IS their fault is that they are ADDING to the stress by being immature, nasty, and miserable all the time. just because something in life is going really bad doesn't mean you need to sit and mope. i learned that the hard way. it makes everything worse when you mope. you have to get up, enjoy life, and make yourself happy again. and you DEFINITELY don't want to be an asshole to your friends, because you need their support. thats what friends do, support each other. not act mean to each other all the time.

so last night i snapped when something stupid happened, and actually let myself get upset for once, because i'm entitled to have those feelings too. and it wasnt that what happened was a big deal... it was just kind of the last straw, cause im tired of dealing with their shit all the time. but what happens when i get upset? people get mad at me for it. they walk around here being miserable bitches ALL THE TIME. i get upset once in the past 3 weeks, and they are mad at me. and when i tried to explain that im not upset at THEM, im just stressed out, they slam doors in my face, talk about me, and ignore me all the next day.

this is what i mean when i say i'm dealing with 8th graders here. if i deal with all your moping and bitchiness, i think im allowed to cry ONCE when i'm upset about life. i didnt even do or say anything to anyone. really, i didnt, i promise. i even went outside so that i didnt explode INSIDE around them. so when i came back in, they asked me what was wrong, and said sorry if they upset me, and i said its no big deal im just mad about life. apparantly, that makes them mad, and they say "ugh whatever" and now they are mad at me. for nothing.

makes no sense. im so fucking tired of it here. its ridiculous the way people act. i want to go home. honestly, i'd transfer if i didn't love udel so much. most of the people are great, and i love my classes and the campus and EVERYTHING. i just cant deal with living with a bunch of drama queens anymore.

i want to move in with a bunch of guys. and no one will care when you wash your dishes, or even if you wash them at all, and no one will care where your stupid fucking shower caddy is located in the bathroom, and no one will care if i want to stay up all night til 5am and play guitar hero!!!! I CANT EVEN PLAY GUITAR HERO AROUND HERE WITHOUT PEOPLE GETTING MAD AT ME FOR BEING TOO LOUD!!!!

ASLKDGHALSDKF AHHHHHHAHS DGLAKSHGLASD IM GOING TO FREAK OUT.

the end.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-02-14T11:14:00

2008-02-14T16:18:37Z

anyone else think valentine's day is a load of bullshit? im not anti-valentine's day or anything, but really, if you love someone you can pick any day to show it. that's what most people want anyway, isn't it? i like to be surprised with a card or candy or dinner or even a surprise visit. you don't need a holiday to do those things.

although it does suck when every single one of my roomates is seeing their boyfriend this weekend, and i'm going to be sitting here feeling alone and awkward, because my boyfriend isn't visiting and i don't have a car.

anyway, i've only had 2 full days of classes so far, and i'm halfway done my third, and this semester is my hardest semester ever. i think i have at least 20 papers to do this semester... and i'm not exaggerating. i have 12 papers for my ONE psych class. soooo.... wish me luck.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-02-10T13:44:00

2008-02-10T18:43:52Z

i have to go back to school today. not looking forward to it really.

but last night was amazing :-D

sucker4seranade @ 2008-02-05T01:16:00

2008-02-05T06:30:28Z

today, well technically yesterday since i'm writing this at 1am, was me and jordan's one year anniversary. i can't BELIEVE that. it feels like i met him yesterday. time flies when you're having fun haha.

he came to my house and i was still upstairs getting ready, and he ran up the steps and surprised me with a dozen roses. we weren't supposed to get each other anything. even though i did get him something little lol. they were beautiful and smelled awesome and no guy has EVER given me a dozen roses before. sad, i know. and the best thing was that they weren't red. that's so cliche and i really dont like red roses, which means he actually pays attention :-) they were white and shades of pink. beautiful.

thennn he took me out to dinner to a REALLY nice italian restaurant that had the best food i ever tasted (besides geno's ;-) ) and we talked and had fun.

then we got back to the car and i had asked him for gum earlier. he said he just remembered he had some in his glove compartment, so i opened it up and took out the gum, and then he grabbed a white box from in there and said, "oh look what it is!" and it was this gorgeous silver bracelet with these leaf-like links. ahhh a;sldkfjas;ldkfjasl i can't believe him.

we came back to my house, watched donnie darko, talked a lot, had tickle fights, and just relaxed.

on top of all that, he had taken me ice skating friday night, just like our first date!!! and we partied all night saturday night.

i can't believe how amazing this weekend has been. we have our ups and downs, but i really am grateful to have a guy who truly respects me and tries his hardest. a;sldkgas;ld <333

sucker4seranade @ 2008-01-29T12:34:00

2008-01-29T17:32:48Z

WHY
ME
AGAIN.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-01-22T23:21:00

2008-01-23T04:41:58Z

for some reason, i'm really upset by the whole heath ledger thing. i wish the paparazzi would just get away from his apartment building. i don't want to see pictures of his body being carried away. it's sick. i feel bad for him and his family. and his poor little girl... it's just all horrible. i was reading articles and watching interviews where he said that he was troubled by his role as the joker in the new batman movie... he had trouble sleeping, and he lived alone in an apartment for a month trying to perfect the character's posture and voice. he even kept a diary of what the joker's thoughts would be about things. that's seems really creepy to me. maybe it got to him a little too much. his friend was interviewed and said that he was depressed. the media needs to stay away from his friends and family, too. that's fucked up. who knows what was going on with him. it doesn't really matter how it happened, if it was an accident or suicide. either way, you kind of expect it to happen to the crazy celebrities who are partying all the time and driving drunk everywhere. but not him. he was too talented, too young, and wayyy too good looking to die. rip heath :-(

sucker4seranade @ 2008-01-20T23:37:00

2008-01-21T04:39:03Z

the only thing worse than a giants vs. pats superbowl would have been a cowboys vs. pats superbowl.

this is going to suck.

sucker4seranade @ 2008-01-14T23:47:00

2008-01-15T04:54:45Z

i both love and hate reading over old journal entries. it can really open your eyes sometimes to the good and bad things about yourself. or other people.

i miss that carefree attitude that i finally achieved almost a year ago. the one where i said "i'm finally FREE, and it feels really fucking good." not that i want to be single again or that im not happy right now. that was what i was writing about at the time, but it's a good attitude to have in general... feeling free and not letting the bad things in life control me anymore. i kinda lost it once school started again in the fall because i was so stressed out, but i'm gonna get that back, and i'm gonna feel like i'm on top of the world again, and i'm not gonna let things or people get me down.